My Wishlist..

Ever since your childhood u wanted to do certain things.. u wanted to be independent.. although at that time u did not know what independence means other then not taking permissions from parents.. all you wanted was studies to get over quickly and you start earning so that you can own things that so many other people do.. you dont know how you will do it.. all you know is that you wanna do something DIFFERENT.. but still u had a wishlist like all teenagers.. a wishlist of all the things u would love to do when u will GROW UP..

At that age.. the most desired things amongst most of us are - Having friends.. doing crazy stuff with them.. long drives.. talking endlessly for hours.. discussing about future.. discussing about secret love.. trying to cook.. scoring good marks.. wearing expensive branded clothes..etc etc..

When after a decade u evaluate yourself.. you find yourself doing almost everything that you had in your wishlist.. and if you strike out the ones that have been already fulfilled by now you are hardly left with anything more..

then what ?? what next ??

next is nothing but another wishlist.. now the priorities have changed.. and now you desire more materialistic things.. you wish to own a house now. you wish to have a family now.. you wish to be stable now.. and stil.. you want to treasure all that have been attained from the previous one.. but this is a never ending process.. you fulfill one list and you start with another.. there is no end of DESIRE.. the more you get.. the more you desire out of life.. the law of diminishing marginal utility wont apply here..

You know that the more u will run after it.. the more you will loose life.. but still its a rat race.. and you are running like everyone else.. because all that you see is - what will happen in the future if i dont do it today !!

but where is future ?? and what future holds for us..

nothing else but yet another wishlist !!

Chance to a Chance..

Yet another chance.. that’s what I am trying to give myself.. life is all about chances.. u give one.. u take one.. and finally the result is the blend of best chances colliding together..
Since our childhood all we strive for is a chance.. a chance to prove ourselves.. chance to be ahead of everyone.. chance to be earning the best.. chance of being the best.. but amongst all these chances what slips silently from out hands is our life..
By keep giving chances are we not being unfair to our life which deserve a chance to be lived.. here I am hoping for things to get better.. and all I am doing is giving chances.. to myself to people around me.. and to everything.. but what I am not realizing is.. life is slipping from my hands.. and now life needs a chance.. to be content again.. to be charismatic again.. whatever has to happen will happen but why not live in present.. and why not give up the future plans.. because plans are never executed.. they are just a rough outline that u assume would ur life look like.. this is the only convincing that I need at this hour.. and I am trying to get a hold on it..
After a long time a thot has come to my mind by chance.. and I tried not to let it slip ..

Seven Days

When I started exploring the biggest changes that have come across in my life, I could relate to the fact that they have been seen in the smallest of time period.. most of the time within seven days.. Here I am not talking about the material changes which might take a while to occur but intellectual changes which comes with a click.. it takes a second for a thought to strike your mind.. and its takes a minute to realize the difference.. though I am aware that life is a gradual process.. but still there are certain decisions which are taken so quickly that they change you.. they change the person u are or the person you are to be..

One day this girl was dreaming about how she would proceed in life.. What all she has to do in life after being a hotelier.. And in 2 days time she was filling form for BCA… and when she was thinking that she would make her career as a programmer she opted for Economics in just 2 hours.. and finally after many such hourly/ daily thoughts this girl is working in the finance field.. The dream of being a hotelier left somewhere much behind..

This is just one of the events in my life which kind of illustrate the above line.. This holds true for many situations where just a phone call, a small talk or 10 mins have changed life.. and these changes are forever…

A friend of mine.. She came to know about her mothers malady and in 5 days she was gone.. and her life changed.. and then some time later she came to know about her father’s medical crisis and he was gone even before 4 days changing her life once again forever… soo is this not a perfect example of what piece of time is granted to you by your life to bring about major changes in your life is really small..

But do we really assume ourselves to be ready for such changes.. do we really welcome such changes.. It is normal and human to take time to adjust to the changes which life brings about too quickly to ourselves.. but then it is a hard fact that the alteration once bought in existence cannot be reversed.. we should prepare ourselves to accept what life brings to us.. and this is the biggest challenge to fight it and win it.. one who can swim in the stream will be on the bank and the one who would yield to the tides would be drowned..

Relevance of a Person

Caste or person, person or caste.. In the past few months this is the major apprehension that I have seen occupying most of the masterminds around me..
What is sooo relevant about CASTE ??? does your caste anyway helps u in being the person you are or you not are… does by any chance your attributes are a contribution of your caste or is it because of the person you are.. I think one is what one is and that is contributed by the complete surroundings of an individual.. caste has little to do with it..
what is caste ??? is it not the segregation made by none other than us.. when nature created living organisms, it did not differentiate its children based on caste. All the other parameters of differentiation in human are natural.. but this is not natural.. this is manmade.. and it is not mandatory that all that is manmade is good.. it may be designed for some specific purpose which is lost long back.. in the present scenario when we are talking soo much about the development of mankind then do these things hold sooo much of importance.. is it not important to be recognized as an individual of your own kind.. Why can’t we think human instead of caste.. is it not human that is more important than caste..
I remember one incidence where me, my siblings and my mom dad were stuck in a situation with furious groups of other caste.. but then one person from the same group emerged and helped us.. sooo was he a not so acceptable types by them.. he sure was… did he commit a crime by helping us.. he did not.. because he was above HINDU and MUSLIM.. he was a HUMAN..
I don’t know how much relevance my thots hold.. Are they going to influence anyone in any way in their lives.. but what I conceive about life is, that individual means a lot more then the caste.. because it is catastrophic that I have seen people of same caste fighting like cats and dogs and two opposite castes living in complete harmony with each other.. It is worse to see people teaching their kids the same nuisance that they have been living from generations… Those who talk the most about development and liberation believe the most in the opposite.. this has made me draw myself to the conclusion that I am more inclined towards a person then his/ her caste..
I am HUMAN.. I believe in HUMAN!!!

Nothing Lasts Forever..

Thot it was a reall long tym that i have made a post here.. so here i am writing the thots that have recently occupied most of my brain..

i have seen peeple change.. its would be more appropriate to say that people dont change their circumstances change... its surreal to see people totally enchanting being as serious as ever.. or vice versa.. people disliking their own tastes and habits and adopting new.. people changing their loyalities, preferences, relations etc etc.. so should i say that change is a constant factor.. hmm so far yes.. this is what i have observed in the past few months that everything changes.. EVERYTHING !!
its not just about a personal change that i am talking about but this is a global change.. things are always different at different times.. people are always different at different times.. reactions are different for individuals.. same people - different people..
After all our earth also changes its form from day to night and from night to day.. and each day brings hope, light, and a new beigining.. which gradually merge into the beauty of dawn and then night.. though all nights are not moon lit.. but still the new moon always waits for you ..
But the irony is we always salute the sun.. seldom do people realize the importance of night.. beneath the darkness of night lies the beauty to see things which dont come out in the day time.. a night leads u to a new begining..
At dusk people salute the sun.. the RISING SUN.. and at dawn they again wait for it.. cant they see that the sun will have to fade in order to shine again tommorow.. let the night befall in order to welcome a new day.. we cant live our life in one day.. we need a lot of them in order to realize life.. life is not one day happy in the morning and sadist in the night.. life is living each day to the fullest.. enjoying each and every part of it.. since the first ray of sun to the last.. since the first ray of moon to the morning star.. a no moon night or full moon...
i have been living thru various days completely.. few mornings and few nights.. by now i have learnt to find hope in all the hours.. but i need to know what u concieve in ur mind about this..
Morning or Night - Cheers !!!

My Department of Theories..

Oh no.. not again.. dis time again I am forgetting the very learning of my life.. I started trusting again.. gave my 100% and .. OOPS !! again a fall.. hmm how can I be sooo stupid once again.. I shud have understood, infact I did.. but dunno what made me forget it this time.. and then obviously I need to pay for it..

I was soo sure that after my exposure to world, I would be able to justify my relations with anyone.. but this incidence has proved me wrong once again.. this is a proof of me being too confident about my rigidness which I am not.. and now this makes me thinks hard about my relations with my peer group.. I don’t really understand why did I betrayed my own soul.. I should have been stick to what notion I made.. not that I didn’t burn my hands ever, but what makes me think hard is why did I let that happen again..

When the demands come from the other side, I never even refused on the second thought of mine.. but to what results ?? to listen to “NO” from the other side in the first ever approach.. now this really makes me think hard that what is it all about.. does it means that this is also a commitment at par with professionalism.. or is it that I am being to pessimist about my relations.. probably the word that still brings my emotions to life is FRIENDS.. and I guess this is the one which made them take a back seat..

Is it that I let people get too intricate with me and then I don’t realize where do I stand in their lives.. and then I think is it that always looks are deceptive and hence I am cheated on by my own self.. when I myself mock at ME about how I was being a fool once again.. this is probably because I take the world as my own reflection.. which I know is wrong.. at tyms I believe the other person too much too injure myself.. I want to look upon my own belief that you can not always trust… but then again, here I am seeing my theory of trust going wrong sumwhere.. may be a person never changes and hence this is a reason that by birth trait of being good to people unnecessary is still their… this is also possible that only in my conscious mind I try to impose such theories.. but then I forget this totally that I do have a subconscious mind also.. and that mind rules my thoughts and actions to some extent..

Looking at few incidences in the past, I realize that I have helped people trusting my own gutt as to I cud not have left them alone when they most needed me (or may be anybody to their rescue which fortunately or unfortunately became ME).. and sumwhere deep down I was sure that they would at least remember for that little (or big) help by me.. but then again.. here goes another theory wrong.. totally wrong.. this is my theory of expectations.. I decided not to expect from anyone.. but then again dis is purely my fault as to why have I been doing it.. and now I realize if at all I am still able to be normal (rather diplomat) with them, that’s because I was able to convince myself that I SHOULD NOT EXPECT.. and this makes me believe that my sufferings are a result of me overlooking my own concepts.. this was a quick measure for me to be able to stop thinking in this respect further and carry on the relation smoothly without an ego..

I don’t really know that whatever theories I have made for myself are actually properly implemented by me or not.. this doubt comes to my mind because at times STILL I tend to hurt myself.. now I guess I should be setting reminders for myself with my subconscious mind.. every time an expectation from the other side arrives, it has to be going through my department of THEORIES.. so that I should not be allowing it to be go out of my way..

Hmmm.. now waiting to see the authenticity of my so called Theories.. and lo.. I didn’t have to wait much for it.. I am seeing another one coming…

Yes i am BAD..

the other day somebody told me that my general image is BAD .. hmmm... dis really made me think.. BAD and me.. never heard of it..
ya ya now i remember i am Selfish and rude.. yes yes.. true.. in fact i am BAD !!!

Why ??? is it that i am mocking at that person.. no no.. i am absolutely serious.. i dont pay heed to how some overemotional people keep crying to their problems of which only they can find solutions.. and with their solutions in front of them the only thing which is absent is their confidence to implement them.. now how can i be a gadget of just listening to them endlessly and not commenting on their (selfmade) condition... and finally if at all i get the courage to COMMENT.. yes yes i am bad !!! how can i not empathize and be blunt in telling them to PERFORM and not CRY.. ooops.. guess dis is what BAD people do..
Now again coming back to what people think of me.. hmm how else can i be BAD.. well yes i also dont allow people to be perversive with me.. i am what i am .. i cant change myself for anything but my own life.. i only change when life demands it.. else me and my nature go straight its way.. not looking around and no looking back.. hmm.. but how is it named stubbornness by a few people.. who want me to change just because they get content with it... and with one "SORRY BOSS" statement.. i am labeled as BAD.. GUD ENUFF.. aint it ???
Also, i remember.. one day i was tagged as BAD when i declared that i have a huge social circle.. hmm.. dass actually bad.. because NORMAL people only have a limited circle.. hmm.. so simply means that i am ABNORMALLY bad.. because having friends and meeting them often is BAD.. very very BAD.. and most probably all these people who i meet around are also abnormal and bad.. dat is the only probability why have we been able to maintain our bond.. and yes I am mostly SELFISH also.. dat is how I have been able to maintain them all.. (thinking hard on it now)

well i am actually looking for more reasons why am i BAD.. in front of other people.. well does this matter at all.. ummm.. i dont think so.. yes if this happens that one day i wake up and i go and see the mirror and then it states that YOU ARE BAD !! Probably that will be one day when i will actually go and ask people WHY AM I BAD ???

at times I also wonder that being fit or misfit in peoples definitions – is it important or is it more important to make ur own statements.. I wonder how can I live my life by just being truly fit into the definition of what people have decided upon.. how can I let others judge me and let me know my worth.. umm sounds a bit intricate for me..
I remember people talking about INDEPENDENCE.. but then how dis definition of independence turns into acts that they start calling selfish I really wanna know.. how can people change their thots soo often and labeling you to be changed..

Hmm really makes my BAD mind churn and think what is my definition of other people being gud or bad.. hmm.. I am waiting for sumthing to appear on the screen with inverted commas on but lo.. the screen is blank.. I cant see nething.. why.. guess I did put sumthing in there so that I can also judge people on my standards.. but when.. ummmm not very old though.. but still not very fresh too.. not in recent times.. guess I have been totally accepting people as they are.. I never bounded them on my definitions and expectations.. and hence I was once again labeled of being numb..
Well now, after soo much brain storming I could find that dis just dosent affect me what people think of me.. because may be I don’t think what people are actually.. so dis is one thing that keeps me BAD in everyones eyes..

oh oh.. is it making a mark again ???