Nothing Lasts Forever..

Thot it was a reall long tym that i have made a post here.. so here i am writing the thots that have recently occupied most of my brain..

i have seen peeple change.. its would be more appropriate to say that people dont change their circumstances change... its surreal to see people totally enchanting being as serious as ever.. or vice versa.. people disliking their own tastes and habits and adopting new.. people changing their loyalities, preferences, relations etc etc.. so should i say that change is a constant factor.. hmm so far yes.. this is what i have observed in the past few months that everything changes.. EVERYTHING !!
its not just about a personal change that i am talking about but this is a global change.. things are always different at different times.. people are always different at different times.. reactions are different for individuals.. same people - different people..
After all our earth also changes its form from day to night and from night to day.. and each day brings hope, light, and a new beigining.. which gradually merge into the beauty of dawn and then night.. though all nights are not moon lit.. but still the new moon always waits for you ..
But the irony is we always salute the sun.. seldom do people realize the importance of night.. beneath the darkness of night lies the beauty to see things which dont come out in the day time.. a night leads u to a new begining..
At dusk people salute the sun.. the RISING SUN.. and at dawn they again wait for it.. cant they see that the sun will have to fade in order to shine again tommorow.. let the night befall in order to welcome a new day.. we cant live our life in one day.. we need a lot of them in order to realize life.. life is not one day happy in the morning and sadist in the night.. life is living each day to the fullest.. enjoying each and every part of it.. since the first ray of sun to the last.. since the first ray of moon to the morning star.. a no moon night or full moon...
i have been living thru various days completely.. few mornings and few nights.. by now i have learnt to find hope in all the hours.. but i need to know what u concieve in ur mind about this..
Morning or Night - Cheers !!!

My Department of Theories..

Oh no.. not again.. dis time again I am forgetting the very learning of my life.. I started trusting again.. gave my 100% and .. OOPS !! again a fall.. hmm how can I be sooo stupid once again.. I shud have understood, infact I did.. but dunno what made me forget it this time.. and then obviously I need to pay for it..

I was soo sure that after my exposure to world, I would be able to justify my relations with anyone.. but this incidence has proved me wrong once again.. this is a proof of me being too confident about my rigidness which I am not.. and now this makes me thinks hard about my relations with my peer group.. I don’t really understand why did I betrayed my own soul.. I should have been stick to what notion I made.. not that I didn’t burn my hands ever, but what makes me think hard is why did I let that happen again..

When the demands come from the other side, I never even refused on the second thought of mine.. but to what results ?? to listen to “NO” from the other side in the first ever approach.. now this really makes me think hard that what is it all about.. does it means that this is also a commitment at par with professionalism.. or is it that I am being to pessimist about my relations.. probably the word that still brings my emotions to life is FRIENDS.. and I guess this is the one which made them take a back seat..

Is it that I let people get too intricate with me and then I don’t realize where do I stand in their lives.. and then I think is it that always looks are deceptive and hence I am cheated on by my own self.. when I myself mock at ME about how I was being a fool once again.. this is probably because I take the world as my own reflection.. which I know is wrong.. at tyms I believe the other person too much too injure myself.. I want to look upon my own belief that you can not always trust… but then again, here I am seeing my theory of trust going wrong sumwhere.. may be a person never changes and hence this is a reason that by birth trait of being good to people unnecessary is still their… this is also possible that only in my conscious mind I try to impose such theories.. but then I forget this totally that I do have a subconscious mind also.. and that mind rules my thoughts and actions to some extent..

Looking at few incidences in the past, I realize that I have helped people trusting my own gutt as to I cud not have left them alone when they most needed me (or may be anybody to their rescue which fortunately or unfortunately became ME).. and sumwhere deep down I was sure that they would at least remember for that little (or big) help by me.. but then again.. here goes another theory wrong.. totally wrong.. this is my theory of expectations.. I decided not to expect from anyone.. but then again dis is purely my fault as to why have I been doing it.. and now I realize if at all I am still able to be normal (rather diplomat) with them, that’s because I was able to convince myself that I SHOULD NOT EXPECT.. and this makes me believe that my sufferings are a result of me overlooking my own concepts.. this was a quick measure for me to be able to stop thinking in this respect further and carry on the relation smoothly without an ego..

I don’t really know that whatever theories I have made for myself are actually properly implemented by me or not.. this doubt comes to my mind because at times STILL I tend to hurt myself.. now I guess I should be setting reminders for myself with my subconscious mind.. every time an expectation from the other side arrives, it has to be going through my department of THEORIES.. so that I should not be allowing it to be go out of my way..

Hmmm.. now waiting to see the authenticity of my so called Theories.. and lo.. I didn’t have to wait much for it.. I am seeing another one coming…

Yes i am BAD..

the other day somebody told me that my general image is BAD .. hmmm... dis really made me think.. BAD and me.. never heard of it..
ya ya now i remember i am Selfish and rude.. yes yes.. true.. in fact i am BAD !!!

Why ??? is it that i am mocking at that person.. no no.. i am absolutely serious.. i dont pay heed to how some overemotional people keep crying to their problems of which only they can find solutions.. and with their solutions in front of them the only thing which is absent is their confidence to implement them.. now how can i be a gadget of just listening to them endlessly and not commenting on their (selfmade) condition... and finally if at all i get the courage to COMMENT.. yes yes i am bad !!! how can i not empathize and be blunt in telling them to PERFORM and not CRY.. ooops.. guess dis is what BAD people do..
Now again coming back to what people think of me.. hmm how else can i be BAD.. well yes i also dont allow people to be perversive with me.. i am what i am .. i cant change myself for anything but my own life.. i only change when life demands it.. else me and my nature go straight its way.. not looking around and no looking back.. hmm.. but how is it named stubbornness by a few people.. who want me to change just because they get content with it... and with one "SORRY BOSS" statement.. i am labeled as BAD.. GUD ENUFF.. aint it ???
Also, i remember.. one day i was tagged as BAD when i declared that i have a huge social circle.. hmm.. dass actually bad.. because NORMAL people only have a limited circle.. hmm.. so simply means that i am ABNORMALLY bad.. because having friends and meeting them often is BAD.. very very BAD.. and most probably all these people who i meet around are also abnormal and bad.. dat is the only probability why have we been able to maintain our bond.. and yes I am mostly SELFISH also.. dat is how I have been able to maintain them all.. (thinking hard on it now)

well i am actually looking for more reasons why am i BAD.. in front of other people.. well does this matter at all.. ummm.. i dont think so.. yes if this happens that one day i wake up and i go and see the mirror and then it states that YOU ARE BAD !! Probably that will be one day when i will actually go and ask people WHY AM I BAD ???

at times I also wonder that being fit or misfit in peoples definitions – is it important or is it more important to make ur own statements.. I wonder how can I live my life by just being truly fit into the definition of what people have decided upon.. how can I let others judge me and let me know my worth.. umm sounds a bit intricate for me..
I remember people talking about INDEPENDENCE.. but then how dis definition of independence turns into acts that they start calling selfish I really wanna know.. how can people change their thots soo often and labeling you to be changed..

Hmm really makes my BAD mind churn and think what is my definition of other people being gud or bad.. hmm.. I am waiting for sumthing to appear on the screen with inverted commas on but lo.. the screen is blank.. I cant see nething.. why.. guess I did put sumthing in there so that I can also judge people on my standards.. but when.. ummmm not very old though.. but still not very fresh too.. not in recent times.. guess I have been totally accepting people as they are.. I never bounded them on my definitions and expectations.. and hence I was once again labeled of being numb..
Well now, after soo much brain storming I could find that dis just dosent affect me what people think of me.. because may be I don’t think what people are actually.. so dis is one thing that keeps me BAD in everyones eyes..

oh oh.. is it making a mark again ???

Motherhood..

People say that motherhood is completely unbiased.. but i saw dat today.. and i must say... i am deeply moved too..
i was driving thru this street and i saw a bitch running with a car and barking at the highest of its pitch.. i took it like another road side dog and juzz tried saving my car from it.. but i was stunned to see why she did that.. the car had killed one of its pups.. she kept barking there and was trying to stop each and every vehicle passer by.. every body juzz took a look and went off..
she went to her baby once which was lying dead on the road and then again started barking at the passer bys for help.. HELP !! my baby is dying.. alas.. i was also one of the rude people who juzz took a look and passed..
i shud have stopped there and have had helped it.. but i didnt.. and dis is one thing which is hitting me hard on my mind now.. I SHUD HAVE HELPED HER in atleast removing the dead body from there.. i know though that i am not capable of bringing her dead kid back..
and all i can do is.. sit and think.. think it hard.. for evey mother the feeling is same.. no mother can stand the death of her baby.. people looked at her as if she is a mad dog.. and yes.. she was mad.. mad out of fury, out of her love for her child.. i wish.. i was able to help her..

what people will say..

i wonder at times that people react just for the sake of reacting things.. even if deep down in their hearts they would feel sumthing else, they wud react in a manner which is only ACCEPTABLE by the society.. but i wonder why ??? after all its we people who have created the society not any one else.. why do we have to bother soo much about SOCIETY..
always since my childhood i have been listening this from my family, my frnz family or any other individual "LOG KYA KAHENGE.."
i really dont know who are these LOG ?? its you who give any body the right to say anything to yourself.. if you know you are right then why do you have to bother about what people say to you.. why ??? why do we always have to care about people around us ???
i dont really understand what happens when the same person in captured in sum odd situation and his thots changes juzz in a fraction of second..
people always react differently to others and absolutely biased for themselves.. then why do we have to bother about their thots.. they will always think what dey want..

so here i am.. taking this precious lesson.. i do what i like.. if sumone will like me.. he/ she will accept me.. if they dont.. then i dont mind.. but i will always accept u as u are.. never want anyone to change.. because the basic nature never changes.. and whatever is natural is beautiful..

Single dosent mean Availiable

The other day while chatting with a friend, I saw her status message.. it said SINGLE DOSENT MEANS AVAILABLE.. it really influenced my thots but i never thot that i would some day feel it.. but today I did..

I mean dis was the most hurting part that it was done by a close friend.. I never expected him to be saying such things to me.. I trusted him completely after our comfortable relationship of an year.. but at the end.. I cant change his thots.. or the ways he thinks for all the females…

I don’t really know when people will let development into their mindsets.. however we pose to be developed and urban and all that.. but people forget juzz one thot.. DEVELOPMENT IS ON THE MIND.. Earning MONEY dose not mean earning MANNERS..

However, the incident is over now.. but it has left a great impact on me.. I have lost a so called friend.. I wonder now.. and I remember now.. when my mother taught me in the beginning – BE YOUR OWN PROTECTOR .. also.. I wont forget her one more teaching.. which has governed me all my life.. “Whatever happens is for your good… you juzz need to see it..”
I am seeing it..