My Department of Theories..

Oh no.. not again.. dis time again I am forgetting the very learning of my life.. I started trusting again.. gave my 100% and .. OOPS !! again a fall.. hmm how can I be sooo stupid once again.. I shud have understood, infact I did.. but dunno what made me forget it this time.. and then obviously I need to pay for it..

I was soo sure that after my exposure to world, I would be able to justify my relations with anyone.. but this incidence has proved me wrong once again.. this is a proof of me being too confident about my rigidness which I am not.. and now this makes me thinks hard about my relations with my peer group.. I don’t really understand why did I betrayed my own soul.. I should have been stick to what notion I made.. not that I didn’t burn my hands ever, but what makes me think hard is why did I let that happen again..

When the demands come from the other side, I never even refused on the second thought of mine.. but to what results ?? to listen to “NO” from the other side in the first ever approach.. now this really makes me think hard that what is it all about.. does it means that this is also a commitment at par with professionalism.. or is it that I am being to pessimist about my relations.. probably the word that still brings my emotions to life is FRIENDS.. and I guess this is the one which made them take a back seat..

Is it that I let people get too intricate with me and then I don’t realize where do I stand in their lives.. and then I think is it that always looks are deceptive and hence I am cheated on by my own self.. when I myself mock at ME about how I was being a fool once again.. this is probably because I take the world as my own reflection.. which I know is wrong.. at tyms I believe the other person too much too injure myself.. I want to look upon my own belief that you can not always trust… but then again, here I am seeing my theory of trust going wrong sumwhere.. may be a person never changes and hence this is a reason that by birth trait of being good to people unnecessary is still their… this is also possible that only in my conscious mind I try to impose such theories.. but then I forget this totally that I do have a subconscious mind also.. and that mind rules my thoughts and actions to some extent..

Looking at few incidences in the past, I realize that I have helped people trusting my own gutt as to I cud not have left them alone when they most needed me (or may be anybody to their rescue which fortunately or unfortunately became ME).. and sumwhere deep down I was sure that they would at least remember for that little (or big) help by me.. but then again.. here goes another theory wrong.. totally wrong.. this is my theory of expectations.. I decided not to expect from anyone.. but then again dis is purely my fault as to why have I been doing it.. and now I realize if at all I am still able to be normal (rather diplomat) with them, that’s because I was able to convince myself that I SHOULD NOT EXPECT.. and this makes me believe that my sufferings are a result of me overlooking my own concepts.. this was a quick measure for me to be able to stop thinking in this respect further and carry on the relation smoothly without an ego..

I don’t really know that whatever theories I have made for myself are actually properly implemented by me or not.. this doubt comes to my mind because at times STILL I tend to hurt myself.. now I guess I should be setting reminders for myself with my subconscious mind.. every time an expectation from the other side arrives, it has to be going through my department of THEORIES.. so that I should not be allowing it to be go out of my way..

Hmmm.. now waiting to see the authenticity of my so called Theories.. and lo.. I didn’t have to wait much for it.. I am seeing another one coming…